http://www.workingmother.com/me-time/it039s-your-turn-working-mother-survival-guide-0
I admit I skimmed the first couple sections as I am past the I'm pregnant, telling the boss, just back to work phase. The first section that resonated with me is section 4 Strategic Alliances. It discusses the need for Moms to have more people in their lives. I really like how they lay it out saying to gather your "Mom tribe"
The Mom Tribe is a group of supportive people outside of your partner.
They say you need 3 types of friends:
"1. The friend just like you (she's got kids the same age, works, similar relationship status etc.)
2. The more experienced friend (not necessarily older but has already been through what you have been in now)
3. The no-kids friend (your connection to pre-baby self whether she is coupled up or not)"
Thinking back on my daughter's earlier years I realize I pushed many people away as so many of our friends were no where near where we were at that point in our lives and those more experienced had no idea how to support us since our child was so different then the average baby [some health issues that are luckily better now but another has cropped up :sigh:].
I also feel like some of the time we are just burdens on our friends since we are the ones with a child and can't and don't want to just drop everything in go. Like some others I know babies can be traumatizing :-) and you really need to be able to trust someone to watch your child especially when there are other needs outside the normal baby realm in order for you to become comfortable leaving them. It seems to me that many Mom 's already have their groups almost like high school and if you don't fit their standards of what a good Mom should be and do then you and your child are ousted! Gasp!
Right now I think I have 2 out of the 3 types of close friends. They are 3 of the best girls I've ever met and am thankful for each of them being in my life. I do isolate still IRL but have made large efforts since my little lady has gotten older. I do admit I am jealous of those Moms & friends who have BFF's they have known since childhood they still keep in touch with. I feel that I am missing out on something and still strive to find that one person to be my BFF now :-) Yes I know I am a grown woman with issues but hey who doesn't want someone like that?
A Mom to Mom quote from the book states: "Having a person to talk with when everything is falling apart helps keep you feeling up. It's the ears listening to your needs for once instead of your kids."
This section encourages you to make time for yourself as it is needed in order for you to help balance the crazy life you are living and relieve some stress. I'm starting to see the beauty in that and have made efforts and have seen the good come from it.
Do you have a tribe? Do you want one?
I appreciate your feelings on trusting someone to watch your child when there are additional concerns that other moms just don't understand. We only leave DS with family, and we're not ones to just drop everything for a night out. I think I *may* have a tribe, but really, we're pretty isolative. I'd like to have more friends, but maybe I pushed people away after DS was born?
ReplyDeleteIt's hard especially when they are younger. I found when she was able to start talking more it was easier. We often do not go out together unless my parents are in town to babysit.
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